Revelations and Changing Directions

To say that yesterday, Friday, April 26, 2013 was a day of revelations and seeing dreams come true is an understatement.  I could barely sleep when it all came together.  I tossed and turned my mind was racing as it was moving the cobwebs that had been there for quite a few years.

Many times I have had the pleasure of public speaking about changing directions in our lives and that nothing stays the same.   Life is ever changing at any moment.

One blog I read yesterday stirred my forever stagnant emotions.  Mrs. C’s (Patricia)blog http://mrspcuyugan.com/   As I was reading I felt this warmth come over me wasn’t sure what was going on at that point.  I left a comment and moved on to other blogs to be inspired, learn something new or be intrigued.

Something strange was going on.  Emails etc were coming to me about being an inspiration.  What?

When a spectacular Editor, Michelle, that I am working with for a new magazine, Crave Handmade Magazine, first edition emailed me and informed me that I was the Assistant Editor and Graphic Designer of the magazine.  Chills ran up and down my spine; I sat at my computer and cried.  This was a dream come true.  Let me explain.

Many of you already know that my only son Dustin was killed in a car accident at the age of 17.  He was my only child, my rock, and my ENTIRE world.  You parents can understand this.  At this time, June 8, 2005 I fell into a black hole and couldn’t grasp onto anything to get myself out.  It was at this time as I saw my mind and my life would be described as a bicycle tire with the spokes.  On each spoke was something even though it was never clear to me what that was I knew it was within reach.  What is this “thing?”  Suddenly there was a shadow on the wheel; what the heck is all of this?

Last night all ready for bed and it hit me like a 747 running into me.  There was a revelation that has freed me from the wheel in my psyche.  A fresh breeze of linens drying on the clothes line flushed over as I lay in my bed.  I took a deep breath and then stated to myself out loud, “Even though I have been speaking about Choices and Changing Directions for eight years.  The wheel was trying to tell me that I was allowing the wheel to define me.  That is not who I am and now I know what my purpose is.”  My dreams are coming true, I am being inspired and now that the wheel has come to a stop I must use my life to inspire others in all types of situations.

Reading blogs from Mommyhood to music concerts everything I read yesterday came into play to help me to define at last where I belong and who I am.

Find out who you are too.  Take the journey it is worth it in the end.  Let me know how you are doing.

A Journey to Where I Am Today

I will be doing a series about my life’s ups and downs.  Finally I come full circle.  This is part one.  My life is a book hence me writing about it but not sure of the content yet.

Looking back to when I was a child.  So many aspirations lay ahead of me, or so I thought.  Well actually they did it is what I did with my choices that led me to where I am today.

As a child your whole life is wide open and so full of excitement.  The thoughts of being a ballet dancer, singer, movie star and a teacher keep you going.  It was the time of innocence.

Suddenly one choice by one choice we start to steer away from our life’s dreams.  Let me remind you that I had a wonderful family life.  My parents were amazing.  I however was a strong willed child that wanted to do my own thing.

It was the 60’s and 70’s and freedom for women, Vietnam War, peace and love was everywhere.  At this time I really wanted to be a hippie but was too afraid.  When I became a teen life scared me and being able to do as I wished just vanished out of fear.  You see I was a “chicken” when it came to venturing outside of my comfort zone.  There were parties I didn’t go to for fear of drinking or smoking weed, etc.  I settled myself to hide from my fears.  I also had to be "perfect."  This was one of the worst choices that I made.  It would take me until I was about 40 to shake fears and actually become a “woman” and regain my strength. 

Years went by when I had a huge “L” on my head that I liked losers so come to me.  The downward spiral began until I reached no self-esteem, lack of self confidence, and I gained weight so that didn’t help with anything.

OK now what?  I lived my life as I didn’t want or never dreamed about.  I was just existing with no real goal or plans for the future.  I thought I needed a man in my life to be somebody.