Changing Directions Series Part II - How to react when a change occurs

Changing Directions Series Part II

Obviously no two people react to a situation the same, we are all unique when it comes to reaction to trauma.

By now for most of you the trauma has come into your life, made your life take a huge detour and now you are headed in a different direction or directions unsure where to go what to do.

Let's focus, relax and take a deep breath.  I know this is hard but sit right at this moment, take deep breaths and allow yourself a few minutes to relax.  How long has that been?  How to relax here  Take a hot bubble bath, a long shower, walk, eat, whatever it takes to relax, just do it.

Allow yourself to grieve, it is normal and healthy to a point to get us through loss of a Loved One, rape, divorce, career loss, etc.  Grieving is supposed to be a healing process and in comes in no particular order for each one of us again it is different.

Here comes a tough one.  Allow yourself to laugh.  You may be like me after I lost my son Dustin.  I felt guilty to laugh or thought if I did laugh everyone would think I was "over" Dustin's loss.  Believe me nobody ever thinks that only we do in our heads.  Our friends and family love to see us laugh.  I am sure my son Dustin is so happy now that I can laugh, we did that so much.  Laugh at something, movie, joke, something just laugh.  Laughing in itself is very healing.

This series is short but you have homework...yes but no grading....that is the good thing.

• At this point you are in life, the change has happened, where you are now, how are you grieving?  Write down each emotion and action.
• set times to relax totally relax three times a day, set your schedule
• call that friend that you haven't talk to forever, make the first move, yes it's hard but worth it
•  go to a private place allow yourself to cry, talk to God, your Loved One, your cause of this change.  Scream, yell, cry and talk.  Talk to yourself, yes to yourself, we all do it, it is soothing too.
• pick a book, any book and read one chapter
• watch one news program national news 
• watch a TV show completely and actually listen to it
• allow yourself to laugh, come on you can do this
• relax

Now for most of you none of the above has happened in a long time well it's about time, let's go let's start on helping to learn to live with a broken heart.

After you have done the above write in your journal how each made you feel.  Be honest if you actually felt good for a change.  I am giving you suggestions it is up to you to work your program.  Journal, Journal, Journal!

I know you don't feel like doing this crap but for yourself and the ones that love you please try.

You can share your results, email me myeclecticloft@gmail.com or keep it to yourself, private.  No pressures to share.  Just do it!

Love, thoughts and prayers,

Nancy

A change is happening in your life or has happened ****Changing Directions Series Part I

Let me start by saying I am not an expert, a counselor, no license to be one.  I am a woman who has experienced many traumas in my life and from those I learned how I coped and survived and want to share that process with others.  I am not responsible if what I suggest does not work in any way for you.  Everyone has their own way of surviving.

Monday June, 17 2013

Part One A change is happening in your life or has happened
Stories of my Life series all please read first find here.  Or:
Story of my life the early years here 
Story of my life Part II here
Story of my life Part III here
Story of my life Part VI here 
My Dv Story here

Something has happened in your life.  Many occurrences bring about change, trauma, life changing.  It may be loss of a Loved One, divorce, rape, job loss all of these take their toll in our emotions and our every being.  Having lost a child I would never compare that to the others however these changes occur and they consume every fiber of our being.

In this series these instances will be called "detours."  A change in direction from what we are used to or the norm.

I relate this to going on a trip to a place you are unfamiliar with and you see the dreaded detour signs.  Oh just great, the detours take you off in another direction than what you had planned.  You need to adjust and follow the detour path.

When a life changing event happens it detours us from our normal lives that we are living.  We are thrown into new territory that is not  known to us at all.  What do we do here?  Where do we go?  How can I make it?

The first thing is to get a pad and pen, go to a mirror, write down everything you see.  Look even deeper to inside your soul.  What is there?  The feelings, emotions, the pain, etc.  At the end write how you see yourself without the mirror.  We are oftentimes too hard on ourselves as we don't see what others see.

Now ask three friends to describe you in three words.  Write those down too.

The hardest task is looking inside at the pain because let's face it the word is pain for a reason.  You must do this to face all that is life changing in you life.

What has brought you to the detour and to Change Directions in your life?

When you have quiet time sit down with your lists.  Admit weaknesses  hurt, pain, loneliness, etc.  This is very difficult but you must find the main detour that has made you change directions.  To get back to an "abnormal normal" (Lisa Church) life we have to face the things we don't want to and live the detoured life.  There is no way getting around it.

Cry, scream do whatever you must to look at this.  Let me tell you if you have lost a child your heart will never stop hurting, we learn to live with the hurt.

Feel free to share your change if you want to email my email is myeclecticloft@gmail.com  All emails will be kept private.

Join a conversation.

All of my thoughts and prayers to all
Nancy

Tuesday, June 18, 2005 we will be discussing how to react when the change occurs. Please join us.