Say What? I Didn't Bloom Until I Was 41 YO

To say the least I was a late "bloomer."  I was 41 years old when I realized who I was and what I wanted out of life.  Better later than never.  Can you fathom the fact that some people go through their entire lives not knowing who they really are or "what they want to be when they grow up?"

It is not clear why it took me so long.  Everything else in life came to me early.  I walked at 8 months, had to have wisdom teeth out in my teens, oh and Ms. Mother Nature came to me when I was 11 years old.  The really important realizations came late for me.  Actually it was when I went back to college I got my mojo (is that a word still used?).

Each day I am learning who I am and I learn new things about myself.  If someone would have told me I was just like my Dad I would have argued for hours that I was not.  Hmph (saying with my arms crossed) I can see it now since he died in 2011.

Let's say I am a mixture of both my parents.  The drive, creativeness, dreams of what could be and leadership or some say bossy (I feel I am just an organizer and leader lol) that came from my Mom for sure. I will never ever come close to being the person she is. She can do it all with a smile, finds the good in everyone and has the patience of Job.  The part of me that doesn't put up with anything is Daddy, me being grouchy, bullheaded and opinionated is definitely from Daddy.  Both instilled work ethics in me which I will be forever thankful.  There are no two people that worked harder in their lifetime that I know.

So let's see looking back 10 years I would have never dreamed that I wouldn't have my baby boy, Dustin with me still.  He was killed when he was 17 years old in a car accident.  If you would have told me that I would survived his loss believe me I would have told you that you were crazy.  I wasn't that strong.  I am surviving his loss, still grieving everyday but living through the pain.

Me doing graphics?  Hahahahahaha there is no way, but I do and love doing it.  Learning a graphics program took me months to learn and I am still learning.  Knowing enough to get me through and not cause trouble is fine.

Traveling, me?  No way I just didn't like to travel much.  A really sweet, loving man came into my life that loved to travel either by his vintage Honda Gold Wing or by car.  Didn't much matter as long as we went.  I saw more and experienced more after I met Michael than I had my whole life.  I found so much enjoyment in exploring different states or sites.  Again learning.  I know you know "Knowledge is Power."

So many years growing up I absolutely hated the old antiques that flourished in my home growing up.  I thought it was a sign of being poor.  Now drooling occurs when I see vintage pieces that I yearn for.  What is really surprising is that now I am actually working with furniture, fixing, distressing, and painting? Somebody slap me so I can wake up!  Me?  No that was something my Mom did not me.

I saved the social media and blogging for last.  It's funny, I know more about some of you than I do my neighbor.  It has been since Dustin's death that I felt safe socializing.  Maybe since I can do it here in the comfort of my own home in my jammies, bedhead, drinking coffee that makes it more comfy.  I am more at ease now.  I am truly addicted to all things social.  Every link that supplies information I am reading it to learn more and more about everything.

You may be there sitting and reading my crazy rants thinking I cannot do all of that.  The important thing is yes you can.  Never stop learning and pushing yourself to heights you never thought of going.  I know I am afraid of heights too but the secret is don't look back just keep going toward your goal.

Will you make a couple of goals of something that you want to do but have never tried for fear of failure?  Is so, stop that!  Bloom where you are planted.  This is what I have had to do, no other choice was there for me.  Read this again 'bloom where you are planted."

Come on and try, let me know how it all turns out for you.  Email me at anytime myeclecticloft@gmail.com

Get out there and live today!

Life can change in a instant

When life started with Michael he was really my knight and shining armor.  My son had died about two years before and my though was life for me was over. 

Michael entered my life and I learned to live even though my heart was broken and grieving.  I was back into life again.

I was a motorcycle mama for the first time in my life.  We rode everywhere and it was exciting.  Car trips were on the list too as we traveled whenever we could.

My life before was nothing like it was with Michael.  Travel?  Me?  You got to be kidding.  That was just a dream of mine.  Now it was a dream that I was actually living.  

He treated me like a princess.  His list was laundry (he had to twist my arm to do that!  lol) he fixed everything or anything that needed fixed.  I couldn't believe my soul-mate had actually come into my life at last.  We loved each other.  My parents thought he was the best thing since bread and butter.
  

Not that everything had to be about that wasn't it but being a survivor of domestic violence and life of wearing the big "L" for losers on my forehead Michael came into my life when I wasn't looking really and my confidence was slowly coming back around and I scrubbed the "L" off.  It was gone.

It was a typical morning.  We were up and checking our social life on the computers, I was making graphics and searching around.  Every morning started with a cup of coffee and being on our computers.

Michael sneezed, belched and made a horrible noise.  I said, "Geez are you gonna make it over there?"  I got no response.  Turning around in my chair I said, "Hey I am talking to you."  Still no response.  I turned his chair and I knew right away he was having a stroke.

Panic mode is an understatement.  911 was called which seemed like forever for them to arrive I called back and they were on the way.  We live one block away from our local hospital.  I made calls to his family, my parents and a friend.  My friend was there before the medics.

Our local hospital gave him the shot to prevent the stroke from getting worse and he was life-flighted to the Ohio State Medical Center at Ohio State University.

My life was spinning again being sucked into that black hole that appeared when I lost my son, my only child.  It seemed as though there was no air to breath, nothing to hold on too.

Being a farm girl and never really driving on freeways I knew I had to get my big girl panties on and get going to Columbus to OSU ER.  

By the time I arrived he the neurologist was with him.  Michael could talk and he was rambling on with no sense.  I took his hand and told I was with him and I always would be by his side.

The news came that the stroke he had was an Ischemic stroke in the left side of his brain which controlled the right side of his body.  Instantly he didn't recognize he had a right hand, right leg and he was in foreign territory himself and so scared.  

Three days after his stroke he was admitted to Dodd Hall Inpatient Rehabilitation

So many doctors were stuffing my brain with information pertaining to strokes, therapy and medications.  I kept a journal the entire journey and believe me that was healing in itself for me.  Every moment was documented.  Each step he learned to take, learning where the ceiling and floor was, each new spoken word and all the emotions that were piercing my soul watching him try to recover.

My attitude changed as I watched work so diligently to ascertain a normal life again.  The effort was 100% and so inspiring.  

Michael was in rehabilitation from February 15, 2011 until June 23, 2011 when finally he was able to come home.

My Daddy got sick also and was at Ohio State Medical Center at the same time Michael was there.  Making sure to keep my eye on him and my Mom as she wouldn't leave Daddy's side.  Daddy died July 11, 2011.  Mom didn't want to live in the country by herself so we had her move in with us.  Another life changing experience.  I am still her little girl and that will never change.  She is a fiesty and active 83 year old.

Most of my time was spent with him in rehab and getting the our home ready for him.  A ramp was built, the bathroom was made handicap accessible and plans for continued therapy.  Not to mention fighting for him to Disability Social Security, getting power of attorney both medical and financial.  Everything was now in my hands.  His life was now in my hands.

I fought getting aides to help because after all I was Super Woman.  That thought lasted about a month.  What a task.  He now has an aide eight hours during the day and two hours in the evening.

Worry is something that I do almost constantly.  The new goal in my life was Michael's recovery.  

My days are spent at home almost 24/7 even though he has an aide and my  Mom is here.  I think it is guilt that I can just take off and go and he can't.  Well he really can his has everything.  He has a manual wheelchair and a power wheelchair so getting around is not difficult for him plus he does walk now with a quad cain and on his own some.

Lots of progress has been made.  We all have learned it is a marathon not a sprint.  He can say words now to let us know what he needs or wants.  Somehow he has become spoiled rotten but not sure how that happened.  

He now takes the garbage cans to the curb and brings them back.  Since we have had some warm days he has trimmed a bush.  Walking has become better and he is even taking some steps on his own with no cane.  The right arm and hand has movement.  In May he will be involved in a study for Occupational Therapy for his arm at Ohio State Medical Center.  We are all excited about this new experience.

His meds are a nightmare and each week I fill a week's worth of medicine for him.  The last count was 32 different meds.

Nurses visit once a week and monthly doctor visit and scattered are specialist to see.  The calendar has become my list.  Not sure what I would do without it.

We are blessed with the fact that he knows everything that is going on and still remembers all of his useless knowledge.  He could answer most of the Jeopardy questions as I sat there lost!  

There are days that I just want to sleep in.  I want to take a gigantic big breath and feel relieved after doing so.  He has to feel so trapped inside his own body.  He still doesn't really recognize his right side.  We are told that there is nothing wrong with his right side.  The brain has to rewire paths to make it do what just came naturally before.

Lately I have been working in our poor neglected yard.  He only watches a few minutes and gets depressed because he wants to do it himself.  It is easy to think of all the changes I have had to make that I could forget what he has been through and how he must feel.  My heart aches and at times I cry for the old Mike that will never be again.

I love him and as long as I can I will take care of him and give him lots of love and attention.

Life can change in an instant.