A Journey to Where I Am Today

I will be doing a series about my life’s ups and downs.  Finally I come full circle.  This is part one.  My life is a book hence me writing about it but not sure of the content yet.

Looking back to when I was a child.  So many aspirations lay ahead of me, or so I thought.  Well actually they did it is what I did with my choices that led me to where I am today.

As a child your whole life is wide open and so full of excitement.  The thoughts of being a ballet dancer, singer, movie star and a teacher keep you going.  It was the time of innocence.

Suddenly one choice by one choice we start to steer away from our life’s dreams.  Let me remind you that I had a wonderful family life.  My parents were amazing.  I however was a strong willed child that wanted to do my own thing.

It was the 60’s and 70’s and freedom for women, Vietnam War, peace and love was everywhere.  At this time I really wanted to be a hippie but was too afraid.  When I became a teen life scared me and being able to do as I wished just vanished out of fear.  You see I was a “chicken” when it came to venturing outside of my comfort zone.  There were parties I didn’t go to for fear of drinking or smoking weed, etc.  I settled myself to hide from my fears.  I also had to be "perfect."  This was one of the worst choices that I made.  It would take me until I was about 40 to shake fears and actually become a “woman” and regain my strength. 

Years went by when I had a huge “L” on my head that I liked losers so come to me.  The downward spiral began until I reached no self-esteem, lack of self confidence, and I gained weight so that didn’t help with anything.

OK now what?  I lived my life as I didn’t want or never dreamed about.  I was just existing with no real goal or plans for the future.  I thought I needed a man in my life to be somebody.

Life as a Caregiver

Raining here and I am so excited it is the first time since we put our metal roof that it has rained.  It isn't like the good ol tin roofs but I can still here it.  So relaxing and I want to go to bed and just listen to the sounds.  Not today....maybe another day.

Dustin's Website 

The day my only child, my son, Dustin died my whole world came to a halt.  I was in a black hole that was sucking the life out of me.  From that day forward I didn't have a normal life, I lived an "abnormal normal" life.

One winter I met the man of my dreams.  Completely.  I wondered why it had taken so long to meet the true man for me.  We did everything together.  He taught me how to live again.  Life was so good.  I still grieved for Dustin but was learning to live through the pain.

February 11, 2011 Michael had got us our second cup of coffee.  We were in the computer room, he was on  his and me on mine.  All of a sudden he sneezed, belched so loud and made a horrible sound.  I asked him, "Are you going make it over there?"  He never answered.  I turn his chair around and then and there I knew he was having a stroke.  It was horrible.  I called 911 and of we went.  I hadn't combed my hair, had a shower, nothing just left.  They med-flighted him to Ohio State Medical Center.  

Since February 11, 2011 my life changed again.  I knew nothing about strokes.  I knew nothing about rehabs.  I learned so much and try to absorb all I could.

He was rehabs until June 23, 2011.  He got to come home and I was so excited.  I, of course, thought I was Super Woman and handle it all by myself.  We now have aides 10 hours a day.  Michael needs help 24/7 and cannot be left alone.

I am on my computer when the aides are here.  I love him and I will keep this up until I can't.  I recently had back surgery and next is shoulder.  At those times we have help around the clock.

July 11, 2011 my Daddy died.  Another change in directions for my life.  My Mom came to live with use because she didn't want to live in the country by herself    She is 83 years old and has more energy than me!  lol  Her and Michael are both perfectionist, I am so much the opposite.  They keep me hopping!  lol

I thank God that I am able to be here for both of them.  I miss going out with friends, going out of state to visit a wonderful and staying with her, and so much more.  God gives me the strength to keep going.

I love life, God and my family!