Is a Day Just Another Day?

It's that time a year again that I have to keep myself busy in so many ways.  When you have lost a child every day is an effort but special days are just worse; no words to describe the devastation that suddenly appear out of nowhere.  Each turn has your child there looking at you, smiling usually or from a past memory.  All that I have left are pictures and memories.  I should add the many lessons my son taught me in his short 17 years of life.  He was wise beyond his years.  His friends called him the “old man” because he always had the answers to life’s problems.

The horrible date is June 8, 2005 and that day is fast approaching.  We have been invited to baby showers, parties, and other things on that day.  Hello!!!!  Don’t you realize what day that is?  Do you know what you are asking me to do?

Truth is despite how crushed, depressed or ill-tempered I am on that day I have to remember Dustin’s words to me once, “Mom, life is too short you need to get out there and live; enjoy yourself.”  He is right and I know it but what makes the date so overwhelming?  Is it that I remember the phone call?  Is it the doctor telling me, “Well he’s dead.”  Yeah let’s say that doctor didn’t work there long after that comment to me. 

The one thing I have to do is keep on surviving, keep making the choices to continue to live my life no matter what day it is.  Will I cry on June 8^th, you bet’cha I will as I lie silently in bed like I do every night and every morning on a regular day.  Rolling out of bed will be a little tougher but I will rise up, get coffee and get my day going.  At some point I will go to the cemetery to visit him and play of couple of his favorite songs, Fat Bottom Girls and Desperado. 

When I do speaking engagements I talk about Choices and it has to be true for me to.  I can choose to lie in a nice bed with soft 600 count Egyptian sheets and with my fluffy pillow or get up and live as Dustin wanted me to do. You see he was my only child and very spoiled not a brat but spoiled.  I worked hard for us to have what we needed and what he wanted.  Now is no different.  He wanted me to live life so live life is what I choose to do. 

Dustin's website 

Some days may not be as productive as others but know that I am always choosing to make the right Choice.

Changing Directions

Surviving the long way around. 

Perfect childhood in my eyes, until I was 11 years old.  My brother was killed in Vietnam.  Being young I kept going ok, not really sure about my feelings at the time.

IN 1996 I survived domestic violence.  I got out and you can too.

2005 my son, Dustin, my only child dies in a car accident at the age of 17.  My whole world crumbled.  Into the dark black hole.

2006 (December) I met the most remarkable man and was truly sent to me by God and he was my Knight and Shining Armor.

Life was good for a while.  Lots of traveling kept us busy.  I had my parents to love and cherish.  I became a motorcycle mama!  lol  Too funny but it was so fun.

February 2011, my Knight had a massive stroke.  Right side, in rehab from February until June 23.  Still working hard at all of his therapies.

June 2011, Michael was in Rehab and my Father in the hospital, Mom wouldn't leave him.  So here I was taking care of everyone!  I didn't mind because love can get you through and God when you think you can't go on anymore.  Michael and Dad were only 1 block from each other.

July 15, 2011 My Daddy dies.  Mom and I were there with him, something I never want to go through again.  I was a Dadd's girl and it has been so hard without him here to fuss at me.

My Mom afraid to live by herself in the country moves in with us.  All is good and we help each other.  Mom spoils Michael.

March 9, 2012, my son's best friend that was with him in the accident and survived died of a heroin overdose.  Again my world was shattered as I talked to him daily.  Tried to help.  When Dustin was alive he lived with us a lot.  It all came rushing back.

With all of this said, I am still enjoying life.  How?  I choose to live it the best way that I can.  All of us daily make choices, clothes to wear, route to work, and on that list should be how we are approaching our day.  A simple choice.

God helps me so much, I have wonderful friends and family.  I was still the one that had to make the choice to keep going, don't stop living.