It's that time a year
again that I have to keep myself busy in so many ways. When you have lost
a child every day is an effort but special days are just worse; no words to
describe the devastation that suddenly appear out of nowhere. Each turn has your child there looking at
you, smiling usually or from a past memory.
All that I have left are pictures and memories. I should add the many lessons my son taught
me in his short 17 years of life. He was
wise beyond his years. His friends
called him the “old man” because he always had the answers to life’s problems.
The horrible date is
June 8, 2005 and that day is fast approaching.
We have been invited to baby showers, parties, and other things on that
day. Hello!!!! Don’t you realize what day that is? Do you know what you are asking me to do?
Truth is despite how
crushed, depressed or ill-tempered I am on that day I have to remember Dustin’s
words to me once, “Mom, life is too short you need to get out there and live;
enjoy yourself.” He is right and I know
it but what makes the date so overwhelming?
Is it that I remember the phone call?
Is it the doctor telling me, “Well he’s dead.” Yeah let’s say that doctor didn’t work there
long after that comment to me.
The one thing I have to
do is keep on surviving, keep making the choices to continue to live my life no
matter what day it is. Will I cry on
June 8th, you bet’cha I will as I lie silently in bed like I do
every night and every morning on a regular day.
Rolling out of bed will be a little tougher but I will rise up, get
coffee and get my day going. At some
point I will go to the cemetery to visit him and play of couple of his favorite
songs, Fat Bottom Girls and Desperado.
When I do speaking
engagements I talk about Choices and it has to be true for me to. I can choose to lie in a nice bed with soft
600 count Egyptian sheets and with my fluffy pillow or get up and live as
Dustin wanted me to do. You see he was my only child and very spoiled not a
brat but spoiled. I worked hard for us
to have what we needed and what he wanted.
Now is no different. He wanted me
to live life so live life is what I choose to do.
Some days may not be as
productive as others but know that I am always choosing to make the right
Choice.
My thoughts will be with you on that horrible day. I cannot believe that the doctor broke the news to you in such a cold and uncaring way. There's no good way to tell someone that a loved one has passed, but there is a compassionate way to do so. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThe Grass Skirt