It's that time a year again that I have to keep myself busy in so many ways. When you have lost a child every day is an effort but special days are just worse; no words to describe the devastation that suddenly appear out of nowhere. Each turn has your child there looking at you, smiling usually or from a past memory. All that I have left are pictures and memories. I should add the many lessons my son taught me in his short 17 years of life. He was wise beyond his years. His friends called him the “old man” because he always had the answers to life’s problems.
The horrible date is June 8, 2005 and that day is fast approaching. We have been invited to baby showers, parties, and other things on that day. Hello!!!! Don’t you realize what day that is? Do you know what you are asking me to do?
Truth is despite how crushed, depressed or ill-tempered I am on that day I have to remember Dustin’s words to me once, “Mom, life is too short you need to get out there and live; enjoy yourself.” He is right and I know it but what makes the date so overwhelming? Is it that I remember the phone call? Is it the doctor telling me, “Well he’s dead.” Yeah let’s say that doctor didn’t work there long after that comment to me.
The one thing I have to do is keep on surviving, keep making the choices to continue to live my life no matter what day it is. Will I cry on June 8th, you bet’cha I will as I lie silently in bed like I do every night and every morning on a regular day. Rolling out of bed will be a little tougher but I will rise up, get coffee and get my day going. At some point I will go to the cemetery to visit him and play of couple of his favorite songs, Fat Bottom Girls and Desperado.
When I do speaking engagements I talk about Choices and it has to be true for me to. I can choose to lie in a nice bed with soft 600 count Egyptian sheets and with my fluffy pillow or get up and live as Dustin wanted me to do. You see he was my only child and very spoiled not a brat but spoiled. I worked hard for us to have what we needed and what he wanted. Now is no different. He wanted me to live life so live life is what I choose to do.
Some days may not be as productive as others but know that I am always choosing to make the right Choice.