Friday, March 15, 2013

A Journey to Where I Am Today

I will be doing a series about my life’s ups and downs.  Finally I come full circle.  This is part one.  My life is a book hence me writing about it but not sure of the content yet.

Looking back to when I was a child.  So many aspirations lay ahead of me, or so I thought.  Well actually they did it is what I did with my choices that led me to where I am today.

As a child your whole life is wide open and so full of excitement.  The thoughts of being a ballet dancer, singer, movie star and a teacher keep you going.  It was the time of innocence.

Suddenly one choice by one choice we start to steer away from our life’s dreams.  Let me remind you that I had a wonderful family life.  My parents were amazing.  I however was a strong willed child that wanted to do my own thing.

It was the 60’s and 70’s and freedom for women, Vietnam War, peace and love was everywhere.  At this time I really wanted to be a hippie but was too afraid.  When I became a teen life scared me and being able to do as I wished just vanished out of fear.  You see I was a “chicken” when it came to venturing outside of my comfort zone.  There were parties I didn’t go to for fear of drinking or smoking weed, etc.  I settled myself to hide from my fears.  I also had to be "perfect."  This was one of the worst choices that I made.  It would take me until I was about 40 to shake fears and actually become a “woman” and regain my strength. 

Years went by when I had a huge “L” on my head that I liked losers so come to me.  The downward spiral began until I reached no self-esteem, lack of self confidence, and I gained weight so that didn’t help with anything.

OK now what?  I lived my life as I didn’t want or never dreamed about.  I was just existing with no real goal or plans for the future.  I thought I needed a man in my life to be somebody.